1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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