Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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