I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
