Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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