so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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