Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
