I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
