i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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