I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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