He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
