Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
