That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
