I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
where are my pants?
in the oven.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
