Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
