I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
