Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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