I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
