i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
