i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
