it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
