That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
