so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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