I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
