I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
