So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
