I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
