Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
