I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
