You can't motorboat a personality
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
