my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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