what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
