Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
