I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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