I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize