i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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