I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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