my vag is so smooth its legendary
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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