the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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