I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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