i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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