If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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