you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
