I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
