Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
