This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
