Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
