Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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