Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
