One girl and one boy is just not enough.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i out mim tonsoeep
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