90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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