Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
