Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
