i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
