look no pants
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
