id be glad to
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
