I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
