Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I have post one night stand depression
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
