i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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