I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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