Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
pray to the hookup gods
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
