I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
