Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
