I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
