Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
