I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
