i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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