Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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