Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
