He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
