it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
someone owes me an orgasm
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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