Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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