I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
